Communication Let Me Down (and I'm Left Here)

"Communication Let Me Down (and I'm Left Here)"

Thank you Spandau Ballet, I can totally relate. 

I did a poor job of communicating with my spouse, my instructors and myself these last three weeks.  This blog is my way to get myself back into the land of the living!  Nothing else seems to work...anti-depressant medication isn't doing a darn thing.  Neither is eating chocolate.  I can't exercise because my back issues (earned after 9 months in Afghanistan and carrying 50+ pounds of gear on my 105 lb. frame each day) have kept me from exercising.  I can't get a full night's sleep because my neck pain (also a symptom of Afghanistan) keeps me up unless I take a sleep aid.  Oh yeah, but if I take the sleep aid, I am drowsy the next day.

I'm tired, hot, then cold, my body aches, I have no energy, and I have a hard time concentrating.

In short, my world sucks right now.....................................................................

I went the the Philippines in February to take care of my ill father, who was vacationing there and fell too sick to come home by himself.  So being the dutiful daughter, I flew there to be by his side as he slowly recovered.  Upon my return to the US, I stayed in California with my father where he lives for an additional week so I could help him readjust to his new surroundings.  I returned home to Virginia by the end March and almost immediately fell ill myself, probably a combination of jet lag and having difficulty re-acclimating to the east coast weather, time zone, food and water.  My younger son came home from college for spring break (a lot of running around with him) and my older son earned high accolades in the military in mid-April.  My husband had three motocross races in various cities along the east coast the first three weeks of May and my step-daughter graduated from college at the end of May.  I can't forget the week I spent in North Carolina getting my son moved into his new apartment and helping him buy a new car. 

What did I forget?  My in-laws came to visit a couple of weekends ago.

Why am I rambling on and on about nothing of concern to you?  It's to illustrate (probably poorly, as I am a terrible artist) that I have been pulled in so many different directions the past four months, I don't know if I am going crazy, going into a deep depression and giving up, or breaking down my body and morale so badly that it's affecting my health. 

So this blog is my way to promising to my husband, my instructors, my friends and myself most of all that I will COMMUNICATE better with you all.  I have resources to help me - you all included - and I will use these resources to get me in a better state of mind.  We'll aim for happy, but we'll settle for ok.

Deal?