Communication Let Me Down (and I'm Left Here)

"Communication Let Me Down (and I'm Left Here)"

Thank you Spandau Ballet, I can totally relate. 

I did a poor job of communicating with my spouse, my instructors and myself these last three weeks.  This blog is my way to get myself back into the land of the living!  Nothing else seems to work...anti-depressant medication isn't doing a darn thing.  Neither is eating chocolate.  I can't exercise because my back issues (earned after 9 months in Afghanistan and carrying 50+ pounds of gear on my 105 lb. frame each day) have kept me from exercising.  I can't get a full night's sleep because my neck pain (also a symptom of Afghanistan) keeps me up unless I take a sleep aid.  Oh yeah, but if I take the sleep aid, I am drowsy the next day.

I'm tired, hot, then cold, my body aches, I have no energy, and I have a hard time concentrating.

In short, my world sucks right now.....................................................................

I went the the Philippines in February to take care of my ill father, who was vacationing there and fell too sick to come home by himself.  So being the dutiful daughter, I flew there to be by his side as he slowly recovered.  Upon my return to the US, I stayed in California with my father where he lives for an additional week so I could help him readjust to his new surroundings.  I returned home to Virginia by the end March and almost immediately fell ill myself, probably a combination of jet lag and having difficulty re-acclimating to the east coast weather, time zone, food and water.  My younger son came home from college for spring break (a lot of running around with him) and my older son earned high accolades in the military in mid-April.  My husband had three motocross races in various cities along the east coast the first three weeks of May and my step-daughter graduated from college at the end of May.  I can't forget the week I spent in North Carolina getting my son moved into his new apartment and helping him buy a new car. 

What did I forget?  My in-laws came to visit a couple of weekends ago.

Why am I rambling on and on about nothing of concern to you?  It's to illustrate (probably poorly, as I am a terrible artist) that I have been pulled in so many different directions the past four months, I don't know if I am going crazy, going into a deep depression and giving up, or breaking down my body and morale so badly that it's affecting my health. 

So this blog is my way to promising to my husband, my instructors, my friends and myself most of all that I will COMMUNICATE better with you all.  I have resources to help me - you all included - and I will use these resources to get me in a better state of mind.  We'll aim for happy, but we'll settle for ok.

Deal?

She's Making a List and Checking it Twice (written early, but posted late)

Being Mother's Day weekend, I thought my two sons would reflect on their lives and recall all the things I have done for them to make life easier, safer and happier.  Its only Saturday now, so I have yet to see what the special day has in store for me.  I don't have my hopes high; my younger son is on the opposite side of the country for college and has no money but the allowance I give him.  My older son, Andrew,  is actually home this weekend, but he is so scatter-brained with concern over what is going on in his own life, I don't expect much to happen because of him.

Actually, I do know that he bought me a polo shirt from Abercrombie and Fitch, one of my favorite stores.  The reason why I know he did this is because 1.) I saw the bag and 2.) I told my older brother to tell him that a polo shirt from that store would be a great Mother's Day gift for me.

I noticed that rather than Andrew reflecting what he has learned from me, I am actually reflecting on what I have learned from him and that is to MAKE LISTS.

You see Andrew has always been an organized young man and has made lists to help him get through school.  He carried that practice on through boot camp and now in the military, he still carries around a small notepad to write his "to-do" lists and enjoys it each time he checks something off of it, that little sigh of relief that comes with it as he tells him self, "that's one more off the list!"

I need that feeling of satisfaction each day to get me through my recent feelings of inconsistent energy and despair that I am not doing enough for everyone who needs me...including me. 

I'm going to buy myself a small notepad tomorrow.

Let's Figure ME Out

I've been trying to get my hands wrapped around what exactly my criteria is for effective organizational communication style.  Truth be told, that cluster of words has me confused... "effective organizational communication style".  Put together, I don't quite know what that means.  However, broken apart, it brings some clarity for how to apply them to me.  

To describe my communication style, I will put myself back in time when I was working at Public Affairs Office at the military hospital in my region.  I was in charge of three junior personnel subordinate to me and had a civilian “office” supervisor who I reported to within the office and its activities, as well as a military supervisor who I reported to with regards to military issues.  

"Effective Organizational Communication Style" = Effective Communication.  I believe I was, and still are an effective communicator because I lead by example.  I speak, act, work and dress as I expect my subordinates to.  I have always felt that I will be respected as a supervisor only if I am a model worker.  With regard to communicating, I reprimanded in private and complimented in public.  I was friends with my subordinates only to a certain extent.  We could go to lunch together on a work day, but we never socialized after work hours.  I did not swear and I did not allow vulgar language in the office.  I was honest and never acted like I knew more than I actually did.  

One-on-one, I felt my communication was very strong and professional.  I always made a point to sit down and conduct a conference at eye level with whomever I was speaking with, whether my leadership or those under my charge.  This way, we all felt that what we had to say mattered.  

I was not always like this.  I gained these skills over time and with maturity.  I remembered what hurt my feelings when talking with someone and used that information to know what NOT to do when communicating with another person.  

"Effective Organizational Communication Style" =  Organizational Style.  One of my absolute strongest traits is my organizational skills.  I L-O-V-E being organized!  It’s weird, but it’s true.  

Being organized makes life easier.  I know where things are, where things belong, when things are due, when I need to be where I need to be at what time.  I make handwritten lists in a leather-bound book that I keep in my purse.  I use post-its and a I have two large filing cabinets in my office.  I excel at Excel – I make spreadsheets for my household budget, Christmas gift spending, personal contacts, house needs like when to change the air filters and when to give the puppy her flea and tick treatment.  

I also use containers.  I L-O-V-E containers!  Everything in my house has a place.  My junk drawer is even organized.  Do I go overboard?  Maybe.  But, my efforts have saved my household money and time.  It also keeps the house looking neat, where it can be seen and where it can’t.  After all, how many people do YOU know who organize their closet by season, color, sleeve length and material all at the same time?

How diverse a person am I?

For starters, I am 1/8 Italian, and 7/8 Filipino.  That's a little diverse.  I married a German/Englishman...but his lineage has traced back to the mountain town of Glen Gardner, New Jersey, there is a street named after his mother's family.  So he's more American Pie than anything.  However, since I am primarily Filipino, doesn't me marrying an all-American-white-boy earn me bonus points in the "diversity" subject?

Being able to communicate well means communicating diversely.  However, the diversity can include more than heritage.  It includes accepting differences in politics, religion, music, fashion...just about anything debatable or worth conversation.  There are also differences in communication styles between men and women, old and young and handicapped individuals.  There are a lot of people who can be offended for various reasons, if one is not careful!

The latest communication obstacle I've overcome was when dealing with a young child.  Last week, my family reunited in San Diego to celebrate a very big military achievement of my son.  We rented a house for the family and close friends to stay at over the weekend.  My best friend brought her 5-year-old son and because there was a young child present, all the adults has to "watch their language".  We established a "swear jar" and how much one had to put in the jar was dependent on what swear word was said.  At the end of the weekend, what was in the jar would go to my son.

This worked out well for Andrew who used the swear jar to his advantage by pushing everyone's buttons until he got that person to swear!  Because there was alcohol involved and good humor involved, Andrew collected almost $75 that weekend!

Thus proving communication with diversity is important; in this case, not using swear words when in the company of a child because it is not only inappropriate, it's also expensive.

Criteria for Effective Organizational Communication

When I returned to college after a longgggggg hiatus, I thought "communication" was primarily through discussion:  one person talks, the other listens.  As time and classes came and went, I realized "communication" was much more.  There are such things as "communication skills":  creative insight (ask the tough questions), sensitivity (the Golden Rule), vision (imagine the future), shared meaning (how you engage others), and integrity (trust and confidence in relationships).  Somewhere in there is "encoding" and "decoding".  Disrupting the process is "noise".  What the heck???

In a basic sense, I feel like these "communication skills" are just simple processes meant to complicate the definition of "communication" in the first place.  I still think "communication" is talking and listening.  But as time went on and as I took more classes for my Communications major, I realized that it also involved body language, email, commercials, billboards, the internet, magazines, advertisements....the list is long.

When I think of  identifying criteria needed for effective organizational communication, the first thing that comes to mind is honesty.  When I am talking to someone I know well, I trust what they are saying to me is the truth, or at least, what that person believes to be the truth.  When I am talking to someone I do not know well, I may have skepticism when deciding what the person is telling me is the truth.

Why is this?

I think this is because I have worked for many years as a journalist and have grown accustomed to verifying facts and ensuring accuracy.  Additionally, I have been burned a time or two by so-called subject matter experts who told me one thing and the truth ended up being another.   Because of those few bad experiences, I am hesitant to believe what I see, hear, or read until I can verify that information myself with quick research...usually Google through my iPhone.  

Being as skeptical as I am can cause problems.  For instance, there have been times when I was engaged in conversation with my husband and he stated something he heard on the news or read online earlier in the day.  With time permitting, I have pulled up Google on my phone and double-check the information.  It's not because I do not trust my husband, it is more because I am interested in learning further information on the subject.  However, this practice of mine has caused an irritated comment or two from my spouse.

This skepticism of mine can be positive at times, too.  A perfect example is when I speak with my father-in-law, who is a plethora of information...all which he believes is true.  Enjoyable conversations are had over coffee or beer (depending on the time of day) when I challenge his statements through Google.  He loves being proven right, but also enjoys learning something new if he is wrong.

So to me, one of my first criteria to effective organizational communication is honesty.

THAT'S THE TRUTH!